Tuesday 30 September 2008

Cave of the Coblynau

This story was part two of the audition stage. Sparacus hated Fwynwr, but thought there was plenty of drama.

CAVE OF THE COBLYNAU
by Bernie Fishnotes

Llaffiggudd, North Wales.

The land rover ploughed through the mud of the country path, leading towards the cave mouth. Katie Ryan struggled with the steering wheel, cursing her head of department for not investing in one with power steering. Next to her sat Ben Chatham, dressed immaculately in the smartest clothes from Marks and Spencer. He held a map, which had their destination marked on it with biro.
In the back sat their friends, Anselm, Ben’s latest boyfriend, whom they’d met during a rather unbelievable adventure involving an alien Kylie impersonator, Craig, Ben’s nephew from his late estranged sister, and Kyle, who Ben had adopted as an Eliza Dolittle figure after his attempted mugging. Both of the latter were listening to headphones, Kyle to GLC’s “Half Man, Half Machine”, Craig to My Chemical Romances “Dead”. Ben had wanted to put some Bowie on the car stereo, but Katie had vetoed that. It only had a cassette player anyway, so they had been forced to listen to the radio. Anselm had sat in silence. He’d thought that he might have been able to nip over to Cardiff, until he realised North Wales was further from South Wales than he’d realised. After that, he’d sulked all the way. Katie couldn’t understand what Ben saw in him. Probably the silver spoon in his mouth, she thought. Then a very dirty image appeared in her mind, and she smirked.
As they reached the clearing where they were meeting their hosts, Katie spoke. “Right, you guys. I haven’t seen Liz since our university days, so I want you all to be on your best behaviour.”
“I don’t know what you mean!” Ben said. “I always act impeccably!”
Looking out of the window of the car, he saw a range rover parked near a cave entrance, with a red haired woman helping a dark hair young man with dark, sunken eyes pull equipment out of the back.
“My God, look at them!” Ben said, “Those clothes! Where do they buy them, Matalan?”
Katie shook her head. “Look, just wait by the car while I say hello.” She pulled up, unfastened her seatbelt and got out of the car. The red haired woman turned, saw Katie and shrieked “Katie!!!” Her voice displaying a strong Welsh accent. “How are you, you tart!”
“Liz!” Katie shrieked back, and ran over to her.
“Thanks for coming” Liz Bevan said, hugging Katie tightly. She let go, and pointed to the young man. “Oh, This is Steve, my assistant. He’s got no sense of humour, but he’s a bloody good caver.” She looked at the crowd lurking by Katie’s land rover “And I see you brought some of your own people too!”
“Yes,” Katie replied “That’s Ben” she said, pointing to the blond man. ”Ooh, he’s nice!” Liz said, receiving a look from Katie “Back off, he’s taken!” she said pointedly “Those are Anselm, Craig and Kyle.” She beckoned them over. Ben lead the group, and held out his hand “How do you do!” he said in a well-spoken voice “My name is Ben Chatham, very pleased to meet you. I understand you’ve found something of great archaeological importance!”
“Yes”, Liz said, pulling her hand from his grip, noticing how his hands were unusually soft, obviously moisturised. “We found these extraordinary cave paintings, totally unlike anything seen before” She took out a bundle of photos from her rucksack, and placed gave them to Katie. Ben and the others gathered round and looked at them.
“Woss so special about ‘em” Kyle asked, eliciting a glare from Ben.
Liz gave him a look, then turned to Katie “Who is this young man?”
“Oh, that’s Kyle, a friend of Ben’s” Katie replied “He does the digging for us.”
“Well, Kyle” Liz continued “apart from the fact that these are only the second set of cave paintings found in the UK, most cave paintings are found fairly near the surface. These, where found about a mile underground, and you need to crawl through some pretty tight holes to get at them. Plus,” she added “look at the figures.”
The gang closed in around the photos, looking hard.
Kyle was the only one willing to say what he saw. “They’ve got very big eyes, haven’t they!” He turned to Ben. “Is that why we’re here, co it’s aliens?”
“Aliens? Sorry Kyle” Liz replied, laughing “But I don’t think so.”
“Yes, Kyle” Anselm said, looking down at him “Leave the thinking to the experts.” Kyle bristled at this, but managed to maintain his cool. Ben needed him, more than he realised, and hitting Anselm, even if he deserved it, would mean that Ben would be resistant to anything Kyle had to say.
Liz rolled her eyes at Anselm’s outburst, and continued “Large eyed figures are only known from Aboriginal cave art.” She looked around them, full of excitement. “The same sort of artwork on two continents!” she gushed “What are the chances! There must have been cultural links!”
Everybody else looked doubtful. “Nah!” Kyle said. “It’s aliens.”
“Right,” Steve said, clearly annoyed by all this talk of aliens “Let’s get suited up. We’ve got a lot of travelling to do” he started to hand out overalls “These should fit all of you…” He stopped at Craig, taking in his appearance, the eyeliner and Korn sweatshirt. “Sorry kid, you aren’t coming”
Craig glared at him. “Why not?”
“Well, for a start you’re a kid, and secondly,…”
“He comes with us!” Ben insisted.
“But…” Steve tried to argue, but Ben was insistant. “Craig comes with us. End of story.”
Steve sighed. He should put his foot down, but they really needed Katie’s help, and Ben seemed to have quite an influence on her. Plus, if Craig didn’t go, Ben might not either, and that wouldn’t do at all. “Alright” he gave in. “Here, put these on” he passed Craig some overalls. “Don’t forget to remove your iPods and mobile phones from your pockets first though, it’s gonna be a bit wet crawling through those caves.”


The journey through the caves had been difficult. Partly due to the wet conditions, but mostly because of the incessant complaining from Ben and Anselm that crawling through tunnels was “most undignified”. Steve couldn’t understand why there was so much fuss made of how brilliant Ben was, but, he considered, he might just have caught him on a bad day. Liz and Katie seemed to be enjoying themselves though. Steve thought about the stories that Liz has told him about her and Katie in University. He’d been shocked by some, especially the “Star Wars Incident”, but they seemed to have enjoyed their time together. Still, there was something odd about Katie. Something in her eyes...
Craig, though, had really surprised him. He’d expected him to whinge constantly throughout the journey, but he has apparently been enjoying himself. This lad has potential, he thought to himself…

Finally they were reaching the cave, and the roof was a bit higher outside the entrance to the painted cave. Steve allowed everybody to take a quick breather, and then they began to make their way in. Steven went first, then Katie, Liz and Ben. Just as Craig was about to go through they heard a noise coming from the rock above the entrance, a fast, rhythmic tapping that almost sounded like buzzing. Craig was sure he saw a light coming from the tunnel at the back of the cave when dust began to fall around his head, and the dust was joined by larger debris. The cave entrance was collapsing! Craig was on the verge of tears when he felt strong hands grab his ankles and he was pulled clear. He turned and saw Kyle let go of his legs, and when the dust settled he turned back to the cave entrance, but it was no longer there. He rushed over to the pile of rubble, and began scrabbling at it. “Help me Kyle!” he cried, but Kyle grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back. “Craig!” Kyle said, trying to sound reassuring “Ben’ll be fine. ‘E was clear of the cave entrance when it collapsed.”
“But he’s trapped!” Craig said, tears running through the dust, grime and eyeliner on his face. “We have to dig him out!”
“Let me ‘ave a look!” Kyle moved over to the rubble and surveyed the situation. It wasn’t good. What hadn’t collapsed was being held in place by what had, and shifting anything substantial would cause a bigger cave in. Kyle was used to getting through tight spaces, but this was out of his league. He grabbed Craig. “You up to going back?” Craig looked horrified “You’re not saying we should leave them?”
“We ‘ave to. We need proper cave rescue people.” He turned back to the rubble. “I hope they can hear this” he said.
“Ben!” he shouted at a gap in the rubble “We’re going for help. Hold tight!” He listened for a reply, but none came. Not wanting to upset Craig, he pretended to hear a reply, and turned to leave. Craig looked at the rubble, and followed.

The dust finally settled in the cave, and Anselm rushed over to the cave entrance. Steve grabbed him before he could move anything. “Look at that boulder!” He said, pointing at a long rock that had been dislodged. “it’s holding up the roof. You move anything, and it’ll come down on us!” He turned to the others. “We can’t make too much noise, it’s looking very unstable.”
“What about that way?” Ben asked, pointing towards the tunnel at the back of the cavern. “Dead end” Steve replied. “there is a small crevice, but we can’t get through it. Way too small.”
“So we’re trapped!” Anselm said, clearly starting to panic. “We need to get out of here!”
“Calm down Anselm!” Ben said, putting an arm round him. “I’ll just phone for help…” he remembered that his phone was in the car. “Well, Kyle and Craig can help.” If they survived, he thought to himself.

Ben sat on a rock, feeling miserable. When Katie has suggested a trip to North Wales to meet her old Uni friend on a dig, he’d expected something more refined, an abbey near a small winebar perhaps, or a stone circle. Instead, he’d been dragged through God knows what to a miserable cave, where he was trapped with two complete strangers. Still, at least he had Anselm with him. He reached into his overalls, and pulled out a hipflask. A bit of green courage is what I need, he thought, staking a sip and slipping it back into his pocket before anybody noticed. He wasn’t ashamed of his drinking, he just didn’t want others to know that he had alcohol on him.

Katie had expected a less exciting trip than this. Meeting up with Liz was guaranteed to be fun, it always had been at Uni. She was often surprised at how well she had done with her degree, what with all the nights-out and extra-curricular activities they got up to. She looked around the cave. Liz and Steve had left lights up from before, and they still had power, so she could see the cave paintings. They were amazing, but that wasn’t the most important thing in her mind now. They were trapped. Still, at least Ben was here…

Steve was crouching down by the rubble, his ear to a rock. “What do you think you are doing?” Anselm said, before being hushed by Steve. “I can hear a voice.” He replied “It’s Kyle. He’s talking to someone.” He turned to Ben “Your friends are alright” Ben sighed with relief, and Steve turned back to the rockpile. “They’re going for help, apparently” he said “I hope they remember the way!”
“Of course they will!” Ben said “Craig is an intelligent boy!”
Steve rolled his eyes, and sat down on a loose boulder “All we can do now, is sit and wait!”
Katie went over to where Ben was, and sat next to him. “Ben” she said “We need to talk about something.” Ben looked at her. “What on earth do I need to talk to you about?” he asked. Liz was watching from the other side of the cave, making her way to where Steve was sitting.
“Ben” Katie said. “Do you remember how things used to be between us” Ben shrugged defensively, knowing exactly what she meant “What do you mean?” he said dismissively.
“When we first met, just after you’d been dumped by Wassisname, Charles, we had a relationship…”
“Hold on!” Ben said “We were never in a relationship. I needed comfort, and you were willing to provide it!”
Katie sighed. “You always said that at the time, but even when you started with those others, Jake, Carl, even James, you still came back to me.” He looked at the side of his head, admiring the way his hair hung around his eyes and ears. “You care about me, or you wouldn’t keep coming back!”
Ben turned and faced her. He looked her in the eye, failing to notice the slight spark of obsession there “Katie.” He said firmly “There had never been an ‘Us’. There will never be an ‘Us’. I don’t need you, you just won’t go away!”
Katie glared at Ben, the smiled “Ben, I know you don’t want me to get hurt trying to keep me safe from your dangerous lifestyle, but I think I’ve proven that I can cope with the constant threat of giant rodents and alien invasions” At this Steve and Liz exchanged glances. “Ben, I love you!”
“Excuse me!” Anselm interrupted “Would you mind not attempting to steal my boyfriend” he looked at her “I know that you’re hardly a looker, but really, you need to accept it. Ben likes the finer things in life, like me, and he would never settle for a cheap tart like you when he could have someone more civilised!” Katie stared at Anselm, rose to her feet, and walked towards him. Ben sat and watched, horrified, while Steve and Liz moved to stop any violence. “What did you call me?” Katie said, angrily.
Anselm looked at her with a look of disgust. “I called you a cheap tart.” He leant towards her, his face inches away from hers “cos that’s what you are. A pathetic, cheap, whore.”
Katie shook with rage, then collapsed with grief. She turned, and ran off into a tunnel at the back of the cave, Liz in hot pursuit. Steve stepped in front of Anselm, and spoke calmly.
“Look, matey, I don’t know who you think you are, but where I’m from we have respect for a lady.”
“Some Lady!” Anselm sniggers, but Steve was having none of it. He pushed Anselm, who fell backwards, landing in a puddle. “Hey!” Ben said, getting up. “You leave him alone!”
“Oh, so you’ll stand up for him, but not for Katie!” Steve snorted.
“Well, Anselm IS my boyfriend!” Ben replied
“And how long have you known Katie?” Steve asked “Longer than prettyboy here?”
“What does it matter?” Ben asked “Are you being homophobic?” he added.
“No, I’m gay too!” Steve replied “But I also have manners. And loyalty to my friends.” He turned to Anselm, who was getting back to his feet. “What gives you the right to talk to Katie like that!”
“You know nothing about it!” Anselm said, keeping his distance from Steve. He didn’t like this violent young Welshman, even if Ben was around to defend him with his Venusian fighting thing.
“Maybe not” Steve said “But I know about treating people with respect!”

Liz found Katie sitting in an alcove of the tunnel, sobbing. She tried to put her arm round her, but Katie pushed her away. “Aw, c’mon Kates, It’s me, Liz! We’ve been through worse trouble with boys.” She grinned. “Remember Michael Struebig? Blimey, he was all hands! Shame that’s all he had!” she laughed, and Katie did too. “That’s it!” Liz said. “Now, talk to me. What’s going on with you and Ben?” Katie threw her arms around Liz “I thought he loved me, but I don’t know.” She sobbed. “He turns me away, but when I think I’m getting over him, he pulls me back.”
“You know why that is” Liz said. Katie shook her head “It’s cos he’s a ****, like all men!” Katie started to feel better. Being here with Liz was like being back at Uni, when all she had to worry about was her exam results and the occasional hangover. “Tell you what” Liz continued. “When we’re out of here, you come and stay with me and Megan. We’ll see you right!”
Katie was about to ask who Megan was, but she stopped suddenly. In the gloom, she could see a light. It was a small candle-lit lamp, and it was being held by the strangest creature. It looked like a man, wearing overalls and an old-fashioned miner’s helmet, and holding what looked like a pick-axe. But it was only three feet tall, had stick-thin limbs that were long and seemingly out of proportion, and it had a large hooked nose and large round eyes. Liz turned, saw the creature, and only just manages to stop herself from screaming as it came towards them.

“What do you mean, respect!” Anselm retorted. “Respect is only for those who deserve it.”
“Well, Mr High and Mighty” Steve said mockingly “What makes you so special?”
“I went to University! I got a first at Bristol in English and Classical Studies!” Anselm said, with as much dignity as he could muster with a damp bottom.
“Katie went to Oxford” Steve said. “She has an M.Phil!”
“I went to Cambridge!” Ben said, feeling left out. He felt that he should be more involved in this, but for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to side with Anselm. There was this nagging feeling that Steve was in the right, but he was willing to ignore that. Anselm was descended from nobility, he must be right.
“People respect me for who I am!” Anselm added.
“No, you think you deserve respect because of what you are. Have you done anything to truly earn respect?”
Anselm was starting to look very uncertain. “Ben, you respect me, don’t you?”
“Of course!” Ben said “You’re well educated, refined…”
Steve persisted “You respect your friend Kyle, don’t you?”
Ben thought hard about this. He made a decision. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s loyal, hard working, practical…”
“Not because of who he is?”
“God no!” Ben said “He’s a Chav!”
“Yet he earned your respect,” Steve said. He turned to Anselm. “So why can’t you respect Katie?”
Anselm stumbled on his words. “I… I don’t know.”
“Has she ever done you wrong?”
“No.”
“Has she ever been less than respectful to you?”
“Well…”
Steve interrupted “I’m sure she’s not perfect, but give her a chance. How long have you known her?”
“About six months”
“That’s nothing!” Steve said. “When she gets back, say you’re sorry.”
“Okay” Anselm said.
“And if you don’t” Steve said “I’ll kill you.” He grinned at Anselm, who grinned back sheepishly. Anselm sat down again, ignoring the discomfort of his wet trousers. The rescue team would be here soon, and he had a lot to think about.

The creature moved out of the gloom, and spoke.
“’Ow doozyer, Oi bee Fwynwr.”
“Pardon?” Katie said.
“Oi zed, Ow Doozyer. Errow. Moi narmz Fwynwr”
Liz looked at the creature, agog. “I think it’s speaking English. Or at least, a thickly accented version.”
“Thazz rye!” The creature said. “Ois spukking inglish, loike wut proper folk duz.”
“If you say so.” Katie muttered. Frankly, it was hard to understand, like a bad impression of a West Country accent with a hint of Brummy, Welsh and Scots. She spoke to the creature. “What. Is. Your. Name!”
The creature looked at her strangely. “Moi. Nayme. Iz. Fwynwr!” it replied, mimicking Katie, making her feel self conscious.
“Hello Fwynwr” Liz said, holding out her hand. Fwynwr looked at it, tucked his pick into his overalls, and shook it. Liz could feel the bones of his hand moving, all long and sinuous. “What are you?” she asked.
“Oi bey wun of thar Coblynau, we ownz thus eer ‘Ole!”
Katie looked at Liz. “Did he say Coblynau?” She asked
Fwynwr looked at her, his large eyes fixed on hers. “Yuz ‘erd uvuzz?”
“But you’re a legend!”
Liz was confused. “What are the Coblynau?”
“They’re like gnomes, they live in mines and dig for precious metals. Bit like the Knockers of Cornwall, helping human miners find veins of tin.” She moved toward Fwynwr slowly, and he backed away. “My God, they’re real!”
“Corse weez reel!” Fwynwr said indignantly. “Oiz z reel as whut you iz!”
Liz stood up, causing Fwynwr to scurry back into the gloom. “What are you doing down here? We did a geological survey of this area, and there’s no precious metals around here.”
Fwynwr moved forward cautiously. “We wantz to bey leff allun!” He moved out into the light again. “Weez seen whut youz oomuns dus to uvvers, un’ we dunt wunna be associated wiz loikes uv youz.” He pointed back down the cave to where Ben, Anselm and Steve were “Thass woi Oi seeled t’cave!”
“You could have killed us, you irresponsible creature!” Ben said from the tunnel mouth. He’d had enough of the frosty atmosphere in the main cavern, and came to see if Katie was alright. He’d seen Katie and Liz talking to Fwynwr, and held back, deciding to listen in. The creature had terrible diction, but Ben had heard enough by this point.
“Kwiet!” Fwynwr hissed. “they’ll hear yuz!”
“Who will?” Ben demanded, moving nearer.
“Thee uvvers!” Fwynwr replied. “They’s nut az friendly as what I izz. They’ll wanna to get rid of yuz.” He held up his pickaxe. “if yer nowz wot I meenz!”
“You mean they’ll kill us?” Ben confirmed.
“Thass wut oi zed, innut?” Fwynwr retorted. He kept looking behind him.
“What can we do?” Katie asked. “the rescue party might not be here for hours, and what if your people come out to check your handywork? How many of you are there?”
“Bout ‘undred!” Fwynwr replied.
“We’ll never be able to fight them off.” Ben moved to grab the little man. “Fwynwr, can you help us?”
“But yooz gunna tell uvverz what weez ‘ere! Uvverz’ll cum!” Fwynwr said, leaping out of Ben’s reach, his little lantern swinging.
“No we won’t” Liz promised. “If you help us, I promise nobody will ever know about you, and nobody will ever enter this cave again!”
“But what about the cave paintings?” Ben asked, horrified? “you said they were important archaeological finds”
“The paintinz? Oi did themz bowt munf ago.” Fwynwr said dismissively.
“Well,” Liz said “even so, we have photo’s, and we can claim they were destroyed in the rockfall.”
“But your career…” Ben protested.
“It’ll cope” Liz said. “You should see what I’ve discovered on the Yorkshire Dales! Makes these look like childish scribble.” She looked at Fwynwr “no offense.”
Fwynwr waved his hand, showing none was taken. “Roight. Oi’d betterz get started then!” He pushed past the trio, and lead the way down the tunnel.

Steve and Anselm were still sitting in silence when the party reached the cavern. They turned to see the new arrivals, and were surprised to see the small figure of Fwynwr leading them. Anselm managed to suppress a cry, but Steve’s reaction surprised everyone. He reached into his overalls, and pulled out a gun. “What the hell is that thing!” he cried.
Liz pushed in front of Fwynwr. “He’s going to help us.” She looked him in the eye. “Steve, why do you have a gun?”
Steve glanced at Ben. “No reason”, but didn’t withdraw it. He hadn’t noticed Anselm moving round behind him. Suddenly, he struck, grabbing Steve and wrestling with him for the gun. They struggled for a while, Steve surprised by Anselm’s strength. Not such a spoilt brat, Steve thought to himself, trying to keep them from disturbing the rubble. However this ended, he didn’t want everybody killed. He subtly manoeuvred Anselm over to a stable area of the cave, and prepared to lose the fight. His dignity might take a hit, but at least there was no danger.
Anselm smacked Steve’s hand against the cave wall, and the gun went off. Everybody threw themselves to the floor as the bullet ricocheted off the walls, eventually embedding itself in the mud of the cave floor. It took a few seconds for the sound to die down, then a new sound started. A pattering noise, like tiny footsteps…
“They’z cummin!” Fwynwr cried, and ran over to the rockpile. He took his pick, and began to chip away at the surrounding rock with ferocious speed. Within a minute, there was an opening just about big enough to squeeze through. “Come on!” Fwynwr shouted “They’z be ere zoon!”

Liz pushed Katie through the hole, then followed. Ben made Anselm go next, then turned to Steve. “You’d better have a good explanation for having that gun!” he hissed, as he made him go in front. He looked round, and in the light of his helmet he saw a dozen large shiny eyes looking back at him from the tunnel, all glaring maliciously at him. He turned and saw the hole was clear, and scrambled into it. Ben had just started to emerge from the other side when he felt small, powerful hands grabbing his ankles and start to drag him back. He cried out, and Steve grabbed his arms, pulling. But the Coblynau were too strong, and Ben started to slide back into the cavern. Fwynwr looked at Ben, then looked up at Katie. “Oi’ll stops ‘um!” he said, heading for the cave. “But they’ll kill you for helping us escape!” Katie cried. Fwynwr turned to her. “Oi’d never bay lowd back anywayz, and I ain’t living wiz Oomans!” he smiled at her. “Gud’byez, Katie.” And he leaped into the hole, scrambling across Bens back and disappearing from view. They heard hacking sounds, then tapping, and Ben flew out of the hole, landing on Steve and Anselm. The rock above the hole began to crack, then collapsed. Ben, Anselm and Steve scrambled to their feet, and they, Katie and Liz, ran as far as they could as the antechamber collapsed. They stopped at the far end, and the rain of rubble slowed. Where they had been was covered in a huge pile of rubble, through which nothing could dig.
“We’re safe!” Anselm said.
“Are we?” Ben asked, glaring at Steve. Steve said nothing.
“Come on” Liz said. “We need to get out of here.” She turned to Steve. “I don’t know what your game is, but we’re going to need you to lead the way out.” Steve nodded, and headed towards the cave that lead towards the exit.

Eventually, they could see daylight, and as they reached the cave entrance, they found Kyle and Craig waiting for them with a group of men in caving gear bearing the logo ‘North Wales Cave Rescue Organisation’
“How did you get out?” Kyle asked “There was no way out.”
“Later” Ben said, “We need to work out what’s going on with Steve…” He turned to see Steve being pushed into an ambulance in a stretcher. “What’s going on?” Ben insisted, rushing up to the paramedics just as they were closing the doors. “He’s got severe concussion, and needs to be taken to hospital.”
“Can I go with him?” Liz asked “I’m sort of his boss, I need to make sure he’s alright.”
“No.” the chief paramedic insisted firmly. “We’re taking him to Llandrillo A&E, you can see him there.” He got into the front of the ambulance, and drove off. “There’s something suspicious about this” Ben said, watching it disappear from sight. He turned to Liz. “How did you meet Steve?”
“He was a postgraduate, just come from another university” Liz told him. “He suggested I ask Katie for help.” She turned to him. “Do you think he wanted to kill us?”
Ben considered this. “No.” he said. “If he wanted us dead, he could have killed us in the cave as soon as we were in there. In fact, we needn’t have gone into the caves, he could have killed us straight away out here. But he didn’t, and that concerns me.”
“Why?” Liz asked.
“Cos it means that he had another reason for me to be here.”
“Why would it be you? Why not Katie?”
“Because he looked at me when you asked him why he had a gun.” Ben replied. “I don’t know why, but I think someone has taken an interest in me.”
“Well, I’ll phone the hospital and find out how he is.” She pulled a phone from the glove compartment of her car. “I don’t remember him knocking his head.”
“Nor do I.” Ben said. He looked at Liz. “Phone the hospital, but I think you’ll find he’s not going to be there.” He walked away, towards the others. Who was Steve, if that even his real name? Why did he want Ben to be there in the caves, and when would he or his masters act next?

Nothing Happens Tomorrow

This story was the final round of the auditions that lead to the public vote.
Thanks to everybody who voted for me!

NOTHING HAPPENS TOMORROW

by Bernie Fishnotes

Ben woke early. This wasn’t a usual thing for him; his lifestyle usually involved a lot of late and restless nights, but he seemed to have been doing this quite a bit lately. He went over to the mirror, brushing his blonde hair from his deep blue eyes. I really must get a hair cut, he thought to himself as he looked at his reflection, taking in his angular cheekbones. He saw perfection in the mirror, and that was enough for him. If anybody else though otherwise, they were wrong. He put on the radio, and was surprised to hear the DJ going on about embarrassing things that had happened to people at parties. Ben wasn’t sure, but he was certain that this same topic had been discussed to death over the past week or so, with the same old stories. We went into the kitchen, and pulled out the cafetiere. As he put some of the ground coffee he prepared the night before into it, he started singing to himself. Kyle told him several times that he had the singing voice of a tone-deaf cat, but Ben knew better. Still, he’d stopped singing around people recently, but with Kyle in Cardiff with Craig visiting that girl they’d rescued a few months back, he had the flat to himself for a change, just like in the good old days. Ben suddenly realised that the radio had started playing the same song as he was singing. “That’s odd” he thought to himself, as he made his coffee.

Later, Ben had just emerged from the shower when the phone rang.

“It’s probably Katie, wanting me to come over and help her with some ‘curation’” Ben said to himself. He picked up the phone.

“Hi Ben” came a familiar voice over the phone, “It’s me, Katie. I wonder if you could give me a hand here at the department, we’ve got some new artefacts brought in from the F. J. Lewis collection over at Kings in Oxford, wonder if you could help us sort them out, they’re in a right old mess!”

“Don’t tell me” Ben said, rolling his eyes “They’ve spelt Sutton Hoo with a W!”

There was silence. “Yes” Katie said “that’s exactly what they’ve done! How did you know?”

Ben wasn’t sure, but he was buggered if he was going to let on that it was a guess “Well, Katie, I am an expert, you know!” Ben retorted with as much indignation as he could muster. “I’m sorry Katie, but I don’t have time for such things. I have a busy day ahead of me!” As he put down the phone, he could just hear Katie’s voice saying something about him and Anselm, which he chose to ignore. Anyway, they wouldn’t be doing that, Anselm was off with his parents at a family funeral, which Ben hadn’t wished to attend, despite Anselm’s begging. Now Ben thought about it, Anselm had been away for quite a while, and he seemed to remember being alone in the flat for longer than he should have. Kyle, at least, should have returned by now. Ben dismissed this, and went to the window. He realised he hadn’t gotten dressed yet, but who was he to hide his body from the public. Just because that old woman complained once because his towel fell down, didn’t mean he should stop it. He made sure his towel was firmly wrapped round him, with no risk of slipping, and he drew the curtains.

Outside Cambridge was coming to life. The recently reopened Bignell museum was opening it’s doors, awaiting a hoard of chav schoolchildren from the local comprehensive no doubt, and people were leaving their homes heading off to do shopping or whatever they did with their lives. Ben noticed a cat sitting on one of the cars parked outside the student terraces across the road. It was a large ginger tom, washing itself in a way Ben found both disgusting and admirable. Suddenly, Ben had a feeling of dread. He knew that the cat wasn’t long for this world. Suddenly, and without warning, the cat darted across the road, just as a car came hurtling up the road. The cat was caught under one of the tyres, and…

Ben had to turn away. He’d seen a lot of horrible things in his time, but never one he’d known would happen. Or had he made it happen? Had he been granted telekinetic powers overnight? Stranger things had happened, he thought. He concentrated on turning the television on, but nothing happened.

So, not telekinesis then, Ben thought. Precognitive powers then. He tried to think of a way to test them, but couldn’t think of anything. At that moment he heard the postman shove something through the letterbox. He rushed down the stairs to the letterbox, and retrieved the three letters with his name on, plus a large envelope addressed to “N. Tilsley”, a pseudonym Ben liked to use when he wanted to be able to deny ownership of post. He looked at the letters. Mostly bills. He never normally opened these, as his parents would usually pay them off, but he thought this might be a good way to test his possible new powers. He held up the first one, and concentrated. He did this with all three letters, and opened them.

Every single one of his predictions was wrong.

Ben couldn’t understand it. If he had no powers of prediction, how did he know about the cat, and the mislabelled artefacts, and the song on the radio? What was going on? He was very concerned.

He opened the package addressed to N. Tilsley, and tipped the contents onto the coffee table. Star Trek Monthly, read the cover, the dignified face of Patrick Stewart staring up at him. Ben would never have lived it down if Kyle discovered he was a trekker. He didn’t do all the dressing up or convention going, but he’d seen every episode several times, something he considered his only vice. He sat down on the sofa, and flicked through the pages, sipping from a glass of absinthe he’d left on the table the night before. He suddenly stopped on an article about one of the episodes. In it, the Enterprise was trapped in a time warp, and they were reliving the same events over and over again, eventually ending up at the same point again. Ben felt this seemed familiar, but dismissed it as just a Groundhog Day rip-off. But something still dwelt in his mind. Something that said it was more than that…

Suddenly there was a crash from the kitchen, and the milk flew through the doorway, splashing on the carpet. Ben leapt up, almost leaving his towel behind, and ran to the kitchen. In the fridge he saw a figure wearing what looked like a black spacesuit with a blacked out helmet, covered in wires, trying very hard to scramble out. Ben offered him a hand, and he managed to pull the figure out.

“Who are you, and what are you doing in my fridge!” Ben said, surveying the damage that had been done.

“Ben? It’s me!” came a muffled, yet familiar voice. The figure twisted its helmet, revealing a thin, youthful face, topped with scruffy spiked hair. “Hallo!” He grinned.

“Doctor?” Ben replied, slightly taken aback. “What were you doing in the fridge?” The Doctor looked back at the remains of the fridge. “Yeah, sorry about that. Hard to direct a trans-temporal hysteritial cross-jumper with any accuracy.” He pulled a mock-serious face “last time I ended up in your neighbours shower. She was NOT impressed!” He looked around, distractedly. “I don’t think I’ve seen your kitchen. Very nice, needs a tidy…”

“Did you want something?” Ben asked, getting annoyed. “I’m a very busy man…”

“Of course you are!” The Doctor replied “Off to see your mates at Operation Delta, who’ve bought themselves a new toy off eBay!”

“How did you know about that?” Ban asked, surprised. “Have you been listening in on our private correspondence?”

“Oh no, that would be rude!” The Doctor replied. “I know because you’re stuck in a Chronic Hysteresis caused by this new toy. Which,” The Doctor added “turned out to be a Zolfan Hysteritial compresser. Not the sort of thing you want to be pressing buttons on ‘willy-nilly’.”

“A Chronic Hysteresis? You’ve mentioned them before, it’s another name for a time loop” Ben realised what was happening. “I’m stuck in a time loop! That would explain my premonitions!” He looked to the Doctor. “How long have I been in this time loop?”

“About a month” The Doctor admitted. “Don’t worry, it’s being dealt with.”

“What do I have to do?” Ben asked, trying to remember where he’d left his mobile.

“Oh, nothing” The Doctor told him “Just go about your daily routine, and we’ll sort it out on the outside.”

“Can’t I try and alter the course of events, prevent it from happening that way?”

“Not really,” the Doctor said, scratching his neck. “It’s more like that film, Groundhog Day. Whatever you do, you’ll still end up at the same point at the beginning.” The Doctor put his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry!”

“No,” Ben said, “This is great! I can do all the things I’ve always wanted to do!” He ran to the window, pulled off his towel, and took great pleasure in the shocked look on that old woman who’d reported him last time. As she ran into her house, a thought struck him. “Er, this isn’t the last loop, is it, tomorrow won’t carry on from today will it?”

“No Ben, the police won’t be round tomorrow.” The Doctor said, stunned at what Ben had done. Ben was a bit shocked too. He was normally so dignified, yet that had been such a chavvy act. Perhaps the timeloop was effecting his mind.

“So how will I know if the loop is going to be over”, he said, tying his towel round himself again.

The Doctor sat down, with a look of sadness on his face. “Ben, I’m so sorry, but it is over.”

Ben looked at him, surprised. “But you said…”

“We got you out of the loop two days ago, that’s why you’ve started to get déjà vu.” The Doctor looked into Ben’s eyes, and they were full of sadness. “You’re just an echo. We managed to close off the time loop, shunt it into a pocket dimension, but part of you was trapped.” He sighed. “You, that is to say you on the outside, are getting on with your life, meeting new people, having adventures with Kyle and Craig and Katie and that boyfriend of yours with the weird name, but there’s part of you trapped here, and that’s you.”

Ben pointed at the window. “What about all the people outside, won’t they start to remember too?”

The Doctor scratched the back of his head, screwing his face up. “No, they’ll not remember” he said. “They’ll just go on living out the same day, never noticing. As far as they go, they only exist today.”

“Why will I notice, and not them?” Ben asked, angrily. If he had to suffer the constant repetition of this day, he wanted others to feel it too.

“Cos they,” the Doctor said, pointedly “Didn’t break the golden rule of alien artefacts –‘Don’t press buttons if you don’t know what they do.’”

Ben didn’t know what to make of this. “You mean, I’m trapped here alone, forever?”

“’fraid so.” The Doctor said sadly.

“And nobody will miss me.”

“I’m so, so, sorry” the Doctor said, shaking his head.

“Will I age?” Ben asked.

“No.” The Doctor replied.

So, some benefits, Ben thought to himself. “Can I die?”

“In theory” the Doctor said, “But you’ll probably just reappear at the beginning again. Like Bill Murray did.”

“Bill Murray” Ben repeated, sitting down. “So if you aren’t here to rescue me, why did you come?” he asked. “To tell me that I’m alone? That I have no future?”

“No, to tell you that you’re alive.” The Doctor tried to bring a little spark to his voice. “As you said, you now have a consequence free life. You can read every book ever written, catch up on all those videos and DVDs you’ve not got round to watching, you can rob banks, drive like a maniac, kill people – although I’d really, really prefer it if you didn’t! You can do whatever you want, and nobody has to suffer.” The Doctor looked into the distance. “Doesn’t sound too bad…”

Ben thought this over. He was free to do whatever he wanted. Anything. Nobody would judge him, as they’d all have forgotten by tomorrow. He was looking forward to this new freedom. Then, the Doctor started to fade. “Looks like I’m off!” The Doctor said. He pointed at Ben. “Behave!” he said sternly, then smiled sadly as he faded into nothingness. Ben found himself waving aimlessly at nothing. He lowered his hand, and went back into the kitchen. He surveyed the mess, salad and M&S ready meals scattered across the floor. He thought about cleaning it up for a moment, but decided not to bother. It’d all be sorted out next morning. He smiled, as he considered the idea that for once, sleeping on a problem would actually sort it out rather than put it off. Maybe being trapped like this wasn’t such a bad thing.

Ben realised he no longer had any milk, and went to get dressed. He then realised he had no way of keeping it cool, but that didn’t matter, the fridge would be fixed in the morning. He’d buy the milk, have a cup of tea, then go over to see Operation Delta. He wanted to see this Zolfan Hysteritial Compressor, which had changed his life. He thought of his other, luckier self, enjoying the future, and a tear came to his eye. He would never see Anselm again. Or Kyle. Or even Craig, who looked up to him with such pride. Ben thought about how he would live forever, but never see another day.

Monday 29 September 2008

A New Direction

I plan to try and keep Ben much the same (mainly because spara would never let me turn him into a liberal type of person!), but I'm definitely going to try and tone down his worst excesses, make him listen to others more often, and make his friends more likeable, starting with Katie.

I think one of spara's abandoned stories sugested she was slightly unstable, I am looking into working with this, and maybe ending the infatuation with Ben (remember that?).

Craig, I'm not sure what to do with him. I'm thinking he needs to grow, partly through the highbrow influence of Ben, and the down-to-earth influence of Kyle. I may even include Isobel, if she's still canon!

Kyle, as far as I'm aware, is alright as he is, but needs to do more than just be the muscle of the team.

And Torchwood will not be appearing in any of my stories. Spara invented Operation Delta as an alternative, and so I'm going to use them instead (with a slight twist, naturally!).

Anselm will feature, but I'm still unsure what to do with him.

Sunday 28 September 2008

Welcome to the New Chatham Adventures!


The beginning of a new dawn, as Bernie Fishnotes becomes the new 'canonical' writer of The Ben Chatham Adventures!

What are the Ben Chatham Adventures, I hear some of you ask?

The Ben Chatham Adventures follow, well, the adventures of Ben Chatham, an Archaeologist and friend of the Doctor. "Hang on", I hear you cry, "I've never heard of this Ben Chatham!"

Well, you wouldn;t have, as he's the fan creation of Sparacus, a poster on the Doctor Who Forum website. The Adventures of Ben Chatham have divided fans, some thinking they are entertaining, other thinking they are appalling. Either way, they always get a reaction!

Ben Chatham is "played" by Adam Rickitt, former popstar and actor.

More information can be found on the links to the right, at the top of the page.